Further to my posting of yesterday, I find myself in something of a state.
Having shone light upon a certain intimacy that happened between my friend, Audrey and myself I must say there is a great deal more depth to that particular pond than may have been apparent.
Oh dear, I’ve opened the can now so I suppose I’ll have to dish it out. Here goes.
This once, and not so very long ago, staid and restrained suburban woman whose only partner in life had been a man of suitable age until quite recently, has become something of an adventurer. The intimacy nodded towards with Audrey did, is, of a deeply intimate sort. We are at present sharing a bed and though we do sleep in it, we do not only sleep if you see what I’m getting at.
It transpires that my dear friend Audrey, who I’ve known for many years, is a lesbian. It’s something she’s kept quiet all these years. And now I am confused. Very confused.
Though her seduction of me was not a one-sided thing, it may not have come about as it did had I not consumed a great deal of wine that evening. Never have I entertained the slightest notion of myself as an admirer of women, at least not in an intimate way. Naturally I have admired some sorts of clothes and how some women wear them. Even a woman of handsome appearance could turn my head to glance. Never, though, had there been any hint of intimate attraction.
And so you may see my confusion. Without revealing certain, graphic details, let me say that I presently enjoy the sort of relations of a sexual nature, with Audrey, that previously I had imagined only took place between a man and a woman. Oh, naturally I’d heard mention of such things here and there but I’d never thought twice about it.
Does this mean that I too am a lesbian now? Have I crossed to the other side of the street, as it were? Does the fact that the first climax I have ever experienced was delivered by a woman mean that that is the way I am now? Although my husband, ex-husband, was only ever intimate in the most perfunctory way, to give himself release, I’d always imagined that my rightful place was at the side of a man. Was I mistaken? Was I this way all along? Or is this a passing thing?
If anybody is seeing this I would appreciate your opinion.
By Tuesday or Wednesday I’ll be back, safely ensconced in my freshly renovated home. Perhaps the change of scene will lend me some perspective on these shocking revelations. Breathing different air may be just the thing.
Will I go about naked in my own home as I do in Audrey’s? Yes, I rather think I will. I have grown accustomed to the free feeling it provides and when it comes to it, the relaxation.
Will I feel the pull of the intimate with Audrey when we’re no longer living under the same roof? I can’t say. I have grown accustomed to the physical contact and I must admit to enjoying the thrill it gives. A climax is an addiction of sorts I admit. However, do I wish to be drawn into another domestic relationship so soon after the finish of the last? I don’t think so. Is sexual contact for its own sake something I do now? I can scarcely imagine it. Given my history, I am not a one to jump into anything without consideration. However, recent developments have given lie to that so who can say?
Aside from the excitement my newly styled house is producing in me, life has me utterly flummoxed right at this moment.
Until next we meet,