Taking care of my ill friend

Oh dear, Audrey has been ill for a week. Don’t worry too much, it’s not serious, only a cold but it does fell a person, even one as normally healthy as Audrey.

Our little circle has banded together to look after her. Despite Audrey’s protests we have taken turns to visit her and to bring food and drink, and to administer medicine at the proper intervals. When a woman who is never ill becomes so it is an absolute nightmare to convince her that it is no sin to be taken care of.

The only time I could get her to stay still was when I was rubbing Vicks on her chest. It did me no harm either. (For those who may no know, Vicks is Vicks Vapour Rub, a popular mentholated chest rub. There’s always been something comforting about it even when I was a small child.)

I was concerned for a bit when she had a fever. When that broke after a few hours all was fine again or at least not worrying.

Audrey fights these things well so she’s near the end of it. I even stayed the night last night for the first time in a while, as something more than a nursemaid, cuddles mostly and yes, a little more if you must know. She seemed fighting fit up to the point of her dozing off around eleven. I was too wound up to sleep so I read a few chapters of my book. Reading often helps the overwrought.

Another night or two then I’m back to my own place. It’s really beginning to feel like home now, my very own home, and I adore every corner of it. Audrey might pop over to stay on Sunday night if she’s feeling on top of things again.

We’ve even been looking for a film to see on Saturday with our friends. Audrey’s partial to Les Miserables but I feel like the adventure of the Life of Pi. No matter, what we don’t see on Saturday we can see together, just the two of us, during the week, if it’s still showing.

Do you know I am feeling much more comfortable with Audrey and our ‘situation’ the more time passes. I have no idea how we would broach the subject with our friends should our dalliance ever blossom into a ‘relationship’. In such an eventuality neither I nor Audrey, I am certain, would wish to hide it. One or two we could lose, another might waver, and there are a few who would accept it. Let’s not put the cart before the horse however, for this moment we are enjoying what we have.

Now, Audrey’s messing about with tidying some magazines or other so I’m off home to look after a little light dusting and a hoover. You leave a place for a day or two and it’s as if there’s been a dust storm through the house. Really, where does it all come from I ask you.

Anyway, no doubt you’ve no interest in my domestic duties so I’ll be off.

Until next we meet,

Kate.

 

Things are moving along

“Be here, be now, be present” is something written in a blog, from the Buddhist tradition, and I must say, as wise as it is possible to be it seems to me.

Since last writing here, too long but there you have it, it can’t be fixed, I have been back in my beautiful house for about a week.

Waking each morning to delightful colours is surely one of life’s warmest things to happen to a body.

My Monet house as friends have begun to call it has become quite the hub for our social activities. It’s all I can do to clear them all out so often. Still, who can blame them. It is so very lovely, in spite of or perhaps because of, the cold.

Having spent several evenings sleeping in my new and spacious bed alone I was set to thinking. Do you know what? Life is far too short to be concerned about things that may not ever happen so in the Buddhist tradition, I invited Audrey over on the third night and she has been staying on and off since then.

Who can say what life may bring to anyone? Audrey is a dear friend. We enjoy each others’ company so well that it would be pointless to deny ourselves whatever pleasures may arise. How modern I’ve become in so short a time don’t you think?

We have no idea where this may lead and our other friends are unaware of our ‘arrangement’ and furthermore, we have no intention of telling them. There is something of the naughty and covert about it. Isn’t it thrilling?

Now, I promised last time I would write less so, for the moment, we have arrived at the end of this ‘post’ (how high tech and with it I am all of a sudden). 🙂

Until next we meet,

Kate

My lovely house and a long chat with Audrey

Sunday is quiet at chez Audrey. While my body pops my eyes open at six in the morning, every morning (no doubt owing to a years-long routine with ‘that man’), Audrey enjoys the last day of the week with all the decadence of an Edwardian princess. She seldom stirs before lunch no matter what, and then only to drape her post-showered self about the sofa sipping tea and crunching on near-to-blackened toast and marmalade.

By seven I have already showered, breakfasted, tidied, and read through a good portion of the Sunday newspaper.

At seven-thirty I was at my own house. you know, just to look things over. Would you like to know the truth? It was far less an inspection and far more a giddy girl dashing from room to room, thrilling at every sight. The fading smell of paint together with that invigorating timber smell of new furniture speaks new house to me and like a child on the night before Christmas, I am almost insane with anticipation of the day I will make this home once more. That day, the builder/decorator assured me last evening, will be Tuesday. Hurray!

The colours on the walls and ceilings were inspired by a visit some years ago, on a rare trip abroad when ‘that man’ had business in Paris, on a day-trip I took alone to Claude Monet’s house at Giverny. The dining room is the most lovely pale yellow with brick and white coloured tiles. The living room is a slightly muted turquoise and nineteenth century tiled floor. The kitchen is in blue tones, while my bedroom is a restful celadon green. I decided when renovating the house that each room would have its own character rather than the dull beige and dark brown that dragged its former incarnation into Dante’s seventh circle of my own, personal hell. So there! Colour reigns. The king is dead (well, might as well be), long live the queen! Oh dear, I am getting a little carried away aren’t I? Calm down, Katie girl. Must be the paint.

Having spent the better part of two hours at the house, time gets away doesn’t it?, I found myself walking about the shopping centre. The greengrocer had some fresh-looking courgettes and a cauliflower that would go perfectly with the meat in the fridge. I know white sauce is old hat now but there’s something about Sundays and chops and vegetables that demands white sauce. Perhaps it might be considered ‘retro’ as some say. Really, I am not old, but an upbringing in the traditional style will have its influences.

Are you wondering whether I’ve been thinking on my new situation, moving home and the altered relationship with Audrey? Of course I have. I’ve thought of nothing else. I’ve done quite a bit of reading on the internet from people’s blogs and information places too. I’m a little farther down the road to understanding but not far enough I think.

Last night, after dinner while we were relaxing in the living room, I spoke about my confused feelings with Audrey. It went something like this.

“It’s like this”, I said, “this is all new for me. For years I was married, bored and neglected but married. I knew my place in the world as a wife and a housewife. The bedroom was a place where I did my duty when my husband required it. It was never something I enjoyed but I never expected it to be. It was a wife’s duty, plain and simple. I suppose my mind was dulled from the long years of boredom. It was safe though and all that mattered was being safe and stable.”

Audrey tried to speak but I hushed her and I went on.

“Last year, well the year before last now it’s a new year, it all changed. He was gone, I was alone, then the depression took me over. I’d no sooner gotten over that than I felt this need to make things new. You and the other girls helped and it was all going along like a dream, you know, like a beautiful dream. Then I came here to stay. Within no time at all I was going about the place as naked as a new-born and on top of that, sleeping with a woman, not only a woman but my best friend. Can you see how I might be a little overwhelmed?”

Audrey tried to speak. I hush her again.

“I’m almost there dear, almost finished. I’m enjoying it, Audrey, I am. You’ve been such a good friend letting me come here while the place is being done and you’ve shown me I can enjoy my body and I don’t have to be ashamed of my few extra pounds. That’s a big thing. And in the bedroom, well, I never imagined I could feel that way. Certainly never with a woman. But I have a problem. The nudity is fine, I love it, no it’s us, what we’re doing in bed. Is it really me? That’s what I can’t work out. Am I like that? Or is it just being able to let go for the first time? Is it just the feeling or is it more? If I’d met a man who did the same things, would I have enjoyed that the same way? Do you see what I mean? Audrey, I’m not used to any of this and I don’t know what to do. The house wil be ready in two days and I’ll be moving back. But what will happen then? Will we keep going with what we’re doing? Will it stop? Do I want it to stop? Should it stop, at least for now? I’m so confused.”

The words might be a bit different but that is about what I said. After that Audrey said her piece of course, and she was very good, selfless, as only a best friend can be.

We talked until very late and in the end we’d considered all of my worries. At first Audrey said that once I went back home she would stay away for a while. But I couldn’t have that. Audrey is my best friend before anything else. Nothing has changed there. She suggested we stop our bedroom dalliance, at least for a while, to see if the feelings we shared were real or just a sort of release. I could see that hurt her to say but I agreed that once I went home, we should stop for now.

I am stilled confused. I don’t know how I feel about Audrey in that way. Physically it is the greatest of delights, I will never deny that, but is it me? How long will it take to know? As I’ve said before, I’m not old but I’m not a spring chicken either. I’ve become impatient to live life now in every way I can. Should I be denying myself experiences I enjoy? How long will it take? Listen to me, I sound like a schoolgirl, but I feel that way, like life is so open in front of me that I’m terrified to make a mistake. I suppose we’ll see what happens.

Sorry to have tested your patience so long. I’ll try to write less next time.

Until next we meet,

Kate

Is this me now?

Further to my posting of yesterday, I find myself in something of a state.

Having shone light upon a certain intimacy that happened between my friend, Audrey and myself I must say there is a great deal more depth to that particular pond than may have been apparent.

Oh dear, I’ve opened the can now so I suppose I’ll have to dish it out. Here goes.

This once, and not so very long ago, staid and restrained suburban woman whose only partner in life had been a man of suitable age until quite recently, has become something of an adventurer. The intimacy nodded towards with Audrey did, is, of a deeply intimate sort. We are at present sharing a bed and though we do sleep in it, we do not only sleep if you see what I’m getting at.

It transpires that my dear friend Audrey, who I’ve known for many years, is a lesbian. It’s something she’s kept quiet all these years. And now I am confused. Very confused.

Though her seduction of me was not a one-sided thing, it may not have come about as it did had I not consumed a great deal of wine that evening. Never have I entertained the slightest notion of myself as an admirer of women, at least not in an intimate way. Naturally I have admired some sorts of clothes and how some women wear them. Even a woman of handsome appearance could turn my head to glance. Never, though, had there been any hint of intimate attraction.

And so you may see my confusion. Without revealing certain, graphic details, let me say that I presently enjoy the sort of relations of a sexual nature, with Audrey, that previously I had imagined only took place between a man and a woman. Oh, naturally I’d heard mention of such things here and there but I’d never thought twice about it.

Does this mean that I too am a lesbian now? Have I crossed to the other side of the street, as it were? Does the fact that the first climax I have ever experienced was delivered by a woman mean that that is the way I am now? Although my husband, ex-husband, was only ever intimate in the most perfunctory way, to give himself release, I’d always imagined that my rightful place was at the side of a man. Was I mistaken? Was I this way all along? Or is this a passing thing?

If anybody is seeing this I would appreciate your opinion.

By Tuesday or Wednesday I’ll be back, safely ensconced in my freshly renovated home. Perhaps the change of scene will lend me some perspective on these shocking revelations. Breathing different air may be just the thing.

Will I go about naked in my own home as I do in Audrey’s? Yes, I rather think I will. I have grown accustomed to the free feeling it provides and when it comes to it, the relaxation.

Will I feel the pull of the intimate with Audrey when we’re no longer living under the same roof? I can’t say. I have grown accustomed to the physical contact and I must admit to enjoying the thrill it gives. A climax is an addiction of sorts I admit. However, do I wish to be drawn into another domestic relationship so soon after the finish of the last? I don’t think so. Is sexual contact for its own sake something I do now? I can scarcely imagine it. Given my history, I am not a one to jump into anything without consideration. However, recent developments have given lie to that so who can say?

Aside from the excitement my newly styled house is producing in me, life has me utterly flummoxed right at this moment.

Until next we meet,

Kate

 

 

Haven’t I been naughty? In unexpected ways, yes

First of all I really must say how dreadfully sorry I am to have been away for this long. I suppose it doesn’t matter when nobody reads this anyway but still, it must be said.

Christmas came and went with my house being at the tantalising end of near-readiness, but not quite. The renovators had gotten almost to the point of my being able to once again move back in until a series of mishaps stalled them in their tracks. Firstly, the main painter, the boss I suppose you would call him, became ill. His assistant battled on bravely but got the wrong paint and, being that time of the year, he was unable to be supplied the correct one in time. So, the work stopped for a week or so and everything finally smoothed out once the new year arrived. The new date for completion is the fifteenth of this month. Just a short, few days to go. Hurray!

Now, to a matter of some delicacy. I seem to recall that when I embarked on this blog enterprise it would be with one clear purpose, to be brutally honest, no matter what. Well, if I didn’t, that was my intention.

Oh dear, how to broach this? Let me see. Well, a faint heart never won a fair maiden as they say. The aptness of that phrase will be apparent very shortly. On with it.

If you have been following this rather staccato attempt at keeping a journal, you will know certain things. If you haven’t it may be of some benefit to go back and ‘get up to speed’ as the phrase has it, I believe.

You will know that my husband traipsed off with a woman of more tender years than myself some time ago. You will know that I have been having my house ‘made over’ as they say. And you will know that I have been staying with my dear friend, Audrey, for the duration of the house renovation and that she revealed herself to be a ‘naturist’ while at home. That is, she goes about her house naked, to my great surprise at the time.

What you will not know is that, having vowed to take no part in Audrey’s shameless, nude, household, cavorting, I found myself irresistibly drawn to join in. It took a week or two but, little by little, that tiny corner of my mind that gloried in rebellion, was given flight. And a glorious flight it was.

Once my clothes were shed and Audrey, for whose reaction I shall be forever grateful, gave me the once-over and an approving nod, I relaxed as I have never relaxed before. The towel was still draped upon chairs and the sofa or wherever I sat. Some niceties must be observed.

Like children on a holiday by a lake we dropped the last vestiges of prudish behaviour and simply enjoyed ourselves in our new freedom, well new for me anyway.

How I came to become, shall we say, intimate, with Audrey, is another lengthy story and not one for this moment. Suffice to say there was wine, a cold evening in a warm room and a quietness that gave way to the unbridling of a passion I had thought long drowned. As you can imagine, our relationship has changed somewhat. That for next time.

Happy New Year,

Until next we meet,

Kate